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Horrible relationships have been normalized by the media. Daytime and prime time TV, network and cable programming is filled with stories of betrayal, deceit, abuse and chaos between men and women. The dramatic and negative depiction of romantic and domestic relationships has changed how men and women interact with each other. Expectations have changed due to relationship dynamics on TV. The bar has been lowered.
Relationships are on TV are tense and dramatic in order to entice viewers. There isn’t much of a story if two people are happy, in love and get along well. No one will tune in to watch a couple share a pizza and fall asleep on the couch. As an avid trash TV watcher I know that the intrigue is the drama. So is sitting back and shaking your head at the poor choices being made.
Relationship turmoil on TV has become so normalized that I think some may look at their own relationship and think that it’s not bad because it’s not that bad. I also think many people don’t have real life examples of respectful and productive long term couples to use as role models or council. Unfortunately, the new standard seems to be that if no one has been lied to, beaten or verbally berated it’s a functioning relationship right? Wrong. A relationship can be terrible long, long before it becomes dangerous and tumultuous.
The standard for relationships needs to be high. There needs to be mutual respect, consideration for each other’s feelings, true friendship and affection. It’s also great if you’re attracted to each other. If you merely tolerate your partner or are being tolerated you are better off single. A relationship should enhance your life and bring you comfort, peace, support and joy.
There are lovers’ quarrels but constant friction means you’re not a good match. Differences should be able to be overcome through communication and compromise. If a relationship is like rolling a stone up a hill you’re likely better off and more productive as a single person.
Living in conflict and misery is not normal or healthy. Shoot for the stars instead of accepting the bare minimum. If the best thing you can say about your relationship is that the neighbors have never called the cops on you may be better off without the relationship. The bar needs to be raised across American culture. Even if ratchet TV is your guilty pleasure don’t let it set standards for your life.
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On again/off again relationships are a scam. If you date a person for a while you know each other well. They aren’t changing and you aren’t either. It is what it is and it’s OK if you aren’t compatible for a long term relationship. If you’re thinking of breaking a relationship off there is likely a good reason for it. If you’re not getting along in a courtship of a few months to a few years you probably won’t get along in a long term domestic relationship. Make a clean break and move on.
In an on again/off again relationship it’s likely that someone is scamming. The key to a good scam is making it last as long as possible in order for the scammer to extract what they need. A person that you’ve dated a while knows how you respond, knows your weaknesses and knows some of your triggers. It would be easy for them to yo yo you back and forth. A good partner isn’t going to take a relationship to the brink before responding positively to his or her lover’s needs. That is manipulative.
It’s disrespectful for a partner to leave a lover time and time again with the expectation of being taken back. I assume that the partner that leaves and returns is looking for something that their current sweetheart isn’t offering during the off times. The current sweetheart provides them with security, support and possibly. A security blanket won’t likely get their happy ending from a partner that runs hot and cold.
This is Shaun and the mother of his six children who he never married. He is now married to a woman he met on a prison dating website after a brief courtship.
On again/off again relationships are dangerous. I hear the story on again/off again on the news often after a woman is killed by an ex. Once the woman makes a break from the relationship it could be dangerous to return or yo yo back and forth. Once the woman makes it clear that she wants to end the relationship the man may become frustrated that he lost his influence and the woman might die due to domestic violence. Playing games with relationships could get a woman killed. This is particularly true for Black women.
It’s understandable that a dating couple has a lovers quarrel. That’s different than going through a cycle of breaking up and reconciling for years. Be intentional and deliberate. On again/off again relationships can be dangerous and are a waste of time and energy. Adults should be able to make definitive decisions about their lives without a lot of drama.
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Fall Movie Review: The Laureate
This weekend I watched “The Laureate”. It was a little dry at times because I don’t care for films in this setting but it was an interesting story. “The Laureate” is about an English writer named Robert Graves who suffered from PTSD after fighting in WWI. At the start of the film he was a married man with a young daughter. His career and family life was respectable but he wasn’t satisfied.
Robert and his wife Nancy allow an American poet named Laura to move into their home and act as a tutor for their daughter. Laura is manipulative and a user. She also has mental delusions. Laura says she likes to challenge societal conventions but she is really just a selfish social climber. Her ambitions are more important than morals or family.
Laura thought she could position herself near Robert in order to achieve greater success for herself. Robert was in the flop era of his career. Nancy use to be cool but now she was a mousy housewife with a young daughter.
Nancy is a sucker who wants to be edgy so she opened her home and slowly her marriage to Laura who wreaked havoc on her life and ultimately destroyed her family. However, Laura was an effective muse and Robert’s career took off after meeting Laura. He is a writer of influential works from the WWI era.
The draw back of ” The Laureate” is that I don’t care for stories that take place in England around the 1920’s. Shows and movies like “Downton Abbey” and “Atonement” are very boring dark, quiet and dry to me. “The King’s Speech” would be an exception.
There was a point in this film that remind me of “The Color Purple” due to the exotic and exciting woman that moves into a married couples house. Both films take place around the same time period but the parallels end there. “The Laureate” is a good film. It’s interesting and it could start some good conversations. I recommend it.
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Fall Movie Review: “Umma”
I watched “Umma” starring Sandra Oh over the weekend. This is a great movie and I highly recommend it. “Umma” is a psychological thriller with many layers. This film touches on matters of family dynamics, particularly the mother/daughter relationship, ethnic identity, spirituality and paranormal activity. It would be a great film to watch with a friend or group because it could initiate interesting conversations.
SPOILER ALERT
Amanda and her daughter Chris live in isolation in what seems to be rural California. They raise bees for a living on a farm. Chris grows up believing her mother is allergic to electricity. This is a great setting and set of circumstance for an eerie film.
Chris grew up without modern conveniences and technology which makes her a social outcast among her peers. She is home schooled and her only companion is her mother. Chris later finds out with the help of a visitor to the town she befriends that her mother’s allergy is a lie. It’s unclear if the lie is deliberate or a figment of Amanda’s imagination.
Amanda had a tense relationship with her domineering Korean mother. In an effort to be different from her she distanced herself from her mother, extended family. In the process she rejects society as a whole. Amanda never married. She had her daughter with a White man who played little to no part in Amanda and Chris’ lives. She didn’t teach her daughter anything about her Korean heritage.
Amanda’s attempts to not be like her mother failed. She was similar to her mother in some ways and had a complicated and controlling relationship with Chris. She also had old world expectations of her daughter who was born and raised in California.
I hadn’t heard of this film at all before running across it at the library. This is a great film that I think you will enjoy. It is creepy and has scary moments so it’s suitable for this time of year. It’s also an interesting commentary about family relationships especially the ones we have with our mothers. I highly recommend it.
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Fall 2022 Vibes
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Watch “Christians and Fitness 1 Corinthians 6:19-20” on YouTube
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Romantic relationships are a high stakes gamble because your heart is on the line. If you are relatively happy with yourself and live a content life as a single person a romantic partner can be a liability. You offer your heart to another person and it gives them a powerful position in your life. They can make you feel like a queen or king or a pauper.
Here are a few songs that illustrate how romantic partners can completely destroy your sense of self worth and outlook on life. Choose carefully and be careful who you entrust with your heart. Can you think of any others.
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Naomi Raine and Maverick City Music
Maverick City Music is a popular Christian Contemporary band. Christian Contemporary music has fallen off sharply since the early 2000s. It all sounds the same and the singers are interchangeable. Maverick City fits the mold. Their music is typical Christian Contemporary and the singers are talented but their voices all have a similar quality.
I feel like most Christian Contemporary singers are male. They sound similar to a lot of Alternative Rock Bands from the 90s. A few sound like Joe Cocker. I enjoy Joe Cocker’s voice but there is a man who sounds just like that in the American Idol auditions every year.
This describes the men in Maverick City Music. The White men sound like they belong in alternative rock bands and the Black men sound like Joe Cocker and his sound alike American Idol hopefuls. There are a lot of people in Maverick City Music. It’s hard to tell exactly how many.
Maverick City Music ends up trending on occasion because the singers make questionable social media posts. They have made political statements that rile up so called conservatives, one of their wives twerked in a wedding photo, the same newlywed couple took a wedding photo that simulated a sexual position. Recently one of the singers posted photos on a party bus possibly in the nude. That’s not even to mention their affiliation with Kirk Franklin whose family matters have become public.
Then there is Naomi Raine who is the star of Maverick City Music. Her name never comes up in the mish mash and her voice is outstanding. She should leave Maverick City Music where it is and start a solo career. She carries the band on her back publicly and probably in private. I’m sure it’s exhausting.
Jesus carrying the cross on Good Friday I really don’t follow MCM very close and that’s how I know who the star is. It’s Naomi. The other people who’s names get circulated on social media are done so in relation to some sort of unnecessary foolishness they posted. I know Naomi because of her performances.
Naomi Raine carries MCM like Christ carried his cross with her beautiful voice. The rest of MCM is a distraction. The latest internet gossip about her band mate’s nude party bus photos would be a great opportunity to launch a solo career.
I don’t really care what happens with MCM because they sound like clowns. All of their problems start because of things they post on social media. It’s hard to tell if the members of Maverick City Music are even Christian because they were put together by entertainment executives the way Menudo and other boy bands were. We’re not dealing with the Mississippi Mass or Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir here.
Naomi deserves better. First of all the paychecks are probably kind of light with so many people in the band. She’s very talented and acts like she has some sense. She’s made a name for herself with her work as opposed to social media attention seeking and subsequent pearl clutching. I think she deserves a chance at a solid career away from the circus her band mates create every few months.
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Fall Review: The Northman
This will be short. This movie is terrible. I don’t have much to say because I can’t really tell you what happened in the movie. It was about Vikings doing Viking stuff but I don’t know why they were doing it.
I thought I would enjoy this film because I enjoyed the TV series “Vikings” but this isn’t that. The movie had an impressive cast with well known actors. They couldn’t help. It was terrible and a waste of time.
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Watch “Put God First and Don’t Make Yourself and Idol” on YouTube
Thoughts, Observations, Impressions
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Shannon's Life in the Midwest 