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Living Practically, Managing and Thriving
Practicality can go a long way if you’re on a budget or trying to save money. Basic expenses are becoming more costly so it’s important to know how to prioritize and manage your money and household. It doesn’t matter what your household is like. Your home and personal finances need to be managed whether you are single, single parents, single with pets, live with relatives, live with partner or live with a partner and children. These are a few of my practical habits for managing personal finance. All of this may be common sense for some but household budgeting and thrift may not come easily for others.
Pay for essentials with your paycheck. If you are a wage earner that earns a regular paycheck use your check to cover your basics. When you get paid use your check to pay for bills that are due. Buy gas, household items, toiletries and groceries. If you are a tither use your check to pay that as well. Once you’ve cared for the essentials the left over money can be saved, invested or used as discretionary income.
Pay for essentials with money you have. Some will disagree with this. By that I mean spend the money you’ve already earned. Some will advise to use credit cards as much as possible and pay the balance every month. I’ve heard people say they do this in order to earn travel points. This may work for a person that is married with children because their expenses are higher and the points will add up faster. I also think this strategy can work well for someone that is trying to establish credit. It’s personal choice but I prefer to keep things simple and pay for basics with money in the bank. Decisions need to be made on personal circumstances and priorities.
I’m unmarried without children so rewards or travel points don’t add up very fast for me because my expenses aren’t very high. I’m not concerned about establishing credit because I’ve already done so. I just don’t think it’s a good practice to make essential purchases on credit. Your budget is how you manage money you’ve earned not really the credit you have.
I think that spending money that you’ve already earned helps to keep you cognizant of your budget. When you’re aware of your real income you will be more conscious of what you’re able to spend. It’s all a matter of numbers and consciousness. Being conscious of the real number will keep you from paying overdraft fees.
Take advantage of sales and specials. Groceries prices have increased. At the grocery where I shop I’ve noticed that the managers have made an effort to make sure that there is a sale item in every category. If you’re not super picky you can usually find a comparable item at a reasonable price. The grocers are trying to help people out.
If you find meat on sale buy it. Freeze it and thaw it when you’re ready to make dinner. The same can be said for canned items and non perishables. Take advantage of sales and save them. The drawback is to make sure you can use the sale items within a reasonable time and you’re not hording. The same thing applies to using coupons.
Save a little bit of money when you get money. Years ago I saw a financial expert on Oprah who said “pay yourself first”. This was great advice and anyone at any income can apply it to their circumstances. Come up with a savings plan even if it’s a jar in a kitchen cupboard where you drop in spare change.
Think about what you want in your future. Consider retirement and things that you want such as starting a business, a car, home, vacations, glasses, medical procedures and luxuries. (There is nothing wrong with wanting luxuries and nice things. Don’t let anyone tell you anything different.) Whatever you want for your future is your business and a matter of goals, interests, lifestyle and personal taste. No matter what you want for your future it’s going to take money.
It’s a good idea to invest in your employer’s 401k program. I also recommend opening a Roth IRA. Research or ask your bank or credit union about Roth IRA options. They have different plans for different levels of income. The younger you are the better off you will be long term if you start saving.
Learn to cook. Learning to cook is a basic life skill for men and women, married or single, whether you have children or you don’t. Cooking can save you money, time and can be healthier. It’s also a bonding activity for family and friends. Cooking is easy so don’t be intimidated. If you can acquire a few basic skills such as baking meat or cooking pasta you can create a variety of meals for yourself a guest or your family.
Groceries prices are rising but so are restaurant prices. Eating out is usually costly, not great for you and it’s often not satisfying. It’s not hard to learn to prepare chicken breasts or pork chops. Keep a few basic seasonings in the house such as salt, pepper and Lowry’s seasoning salt, lemon pepper or garlic salt. Heat up frozen or canned vegetables or cook rice as a side dish.
If you can read you can cook. Look on Pinterest for recipes. You can also find recipes on seasoning packets and canned goods which are purchased at the grocery store for meals like meatloaf or sloppy joes. Give it a try. There will be some trial and error but it is worth your time to develop some basic culinary skills. You should be able to tolerate your own cooking. I’ve also found that cooking gives you a greater appreciation for people that work in restaurants.
Don’t buy lunch at work every day. Restaurants are expensive. Very few restaurants offer healthy options. Packing a lunch is much more economical. Frozen entrees are between $3-$5. They are tasty and satisfying for the price. I usually pack a snack like an apple, fruit bar or a ziploc bag of chips. That gets me through the day until dinner.
Soups and canned ravioli are good to pack for lunch too. Frozen entrees and canned items like soups and ravioli are high in sodium so it’s important to watch the rest of your sodium intake for the day. Since convenience foods are high in sodium consider taking leftovers to work for lunch. This is another benefit to learning to cook. Invest in food storage containers.
Pay credit card bills off in full at the end of the month. This way you avoid paying interest and fees. At times you may need to make payments on a purchase such as a new transmission or paying for your wedding. It’s a good idea to keep your credit card balance low or clear in case of emergencies or expensive planned purchases.
I prefer to use credit cards on things like travel, clothing, electronics and vehicle maintenance. Plan ahead in order to insure that you will have money in your account to comfortably pay the balance in full once the credit card bill arrives.
Pay what you owe. If you owe your friend twenty dollars and you only have a twenty dollar bill you have zero dollars. You can’t grow financially with a lot of debt. Sometimes debt is necessary to take on. Have a plan to pay it back before taking on the debt and stick with it. If you took on debt in an emergency seek out assistance such as the case of medical debt. Pay your bills on time and avoid late fees. This is how you establish good credit. Your credit rating can make a big difference in the opportunities you’re offered.
Always look for ways to increase your income. Whether you earn extra income from a promotion at work, job change, career change, part time job or starting a business more money is a good thing. More money increases your sense of security, safety and opportunities.
Businesses are always looking for ways to increase revenue so you have no choice but to look for ways to increase your income. Do your best to stay out of situations that keep you stagnant. If a life situation isn’t giving you new opportunities to grow and thrive seek a new path.
These practices that I developed at a young age have been beneficial. Financial advice often grinds my gears because it tends to be geared towards high income people. You can only budget so much when your income isn’t very high. Market values dictate prices of essentials and there is no way around paying minimum prices for items that you need or want. Always be looking for new opportunities to increase your income and give yourself a bigger budget.
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I gained a few pounds over the last year or so. I’m perimenopausal and less active since the COVID lockdowns. I had to modify my wardrobe last season to accommodate the extra pounds. I donated several items to Goodwill or gave them away to acquaintances. I learned that it’s pretty expensive to replace a lot of your wardrobe at once. JC Penney and Amazon were my go to retailers.
I had to get rid of almost all of my slack and jeans. It started one morning when I was getting ready for work. I went through several pairs of pants and I couldn’t fit any of them properly. I don’t wear jeans often but I tried mine on to see if I could fit them. I don’t think I could fit any of them.
Many of my slacks were from Express. Express slacks run around sixty dollars at least. That’s a bit steep but I worked for Express in the past so I got an employee discount and used it often. I’ve also been on their e-mail and preferred customer list for years and I took advantage of sales and coupons. I’ve been the same size for most of my post pubescent life and the clothes were good quality so they’ve lasted for years.
I replaced my slacks with merchandise from NY & Co. The quality was not good but they were cheap and I was having an emergency. They will do and I can put better quality items into my wardrobe bit by bit. The construction of my NY & Co. slacks are squirrely. The pockets don’t lay flat. It’s as if Denise Huxtable made them. But they were about $30 a piece. You get what you pay for and I needed new pants. I also found a nice pair of black Calvin Klein pair of pants at Ross.
I also bought slacks from Old Navy. I have a complicated relationship with Old Navy. I may write about that a different time because my explanation would take a bit. Let’s just say I think they’re partially responsible for the decline of Western civilization. That’s for a different blog post.
Old Navy pants fit me a little odd. I ordered the pixie cut. I bought a size bigger than my old size and the pants were still tight. I bought the size up after that and they were still tight in the thighs and behind but they gave a lot of pooch room. My pooch isn’t that big. It’s almost as if they are maternity pants but I checked and they’re not maternity pants. They’re just for people with big pooches.
I got new jeans from Amazon. I chose high waist or mom jeans. I’m not a mom but I have a great deal of respect and appreciation for these jeans. Jeans are expensive. It’s also difficult to find jeans that aren’t torn, high water or some sort of weird wash. I bought two pairs of Gloria Vanderbilt jeans for around $40 each.
I’ve shopped at more expensive retailers in the past but I made purchases piece by piece so it wasn’t as costly. One of my favorite retailers is Express. They are on the expensive side in my opinion but I took advantage of their Black Friday sales. I bought a new suit from Express. It’s nice and the suit is made with a material that is almost like a fleece.
I bought several suits from Express in the past. Their suits have always been great. They were sharp and fit like a glove. Their current selection doesn’t match what they offered in the past but it will do. You can’t look at my suit and tell it’s made from sweat pants material. Express did what they needed to do to cater to people that want to wear jammies and yoga pants everywhere.
I had a job interview last Fall and I couldn’t fit any of my suits. I didn’t have time to buy anything new. I pieced something together but after thinking about it I think the blouse may have been a little low cut. It didn’t matter that much because I wasn’t offered the position and that’s OK. I don’t blame the lack of success on the the low cut blouse. At least that occasion prepared me for the next opportunity.
I’ve learned how to manage a pooch. The first thing I learned is the value of good underwear. I have what I call dress underwear. I call them dress underwear because they work well with dresses. Pants are a lot more forgiving and sharp looking. Dresses are more complicated.
I purchased my dress underwear at Target and they do a great job of sucking in my pooch and making it less obvious un. I also learned that A line dresses are great for camouflaging a pooch. Sheath dresses are less forgiving and reveal the pooch a lot more. You have to give yourself plenty of room while not having the dress fit like a bag. Dresses that fit well are sharp. Tight dresses are tacky.
I didn’t buy new shoes last season. However, I have a pair of white combat boots that I’ve gotten more use out of than I thought I would. I got them from Shoe Carnival for around $50 or so. I also got some new accessories. I got a few belts from JC Penney and jewelry.
The last year has taught me to wear clothes that fit. It sounds simple but it’s a bit of a hill to get over. I wasn’t interested in trying to lose weight because I don’t think I’m an unhealthy weight. I’m just middle aged, perimenopausal and going through natural life changes. I think older women that strive to be very thin look a bit strange. There are a few Hollywood examples of this. Dress for the body you have and wear good underwear especially if you are in a dress.
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Watch “Lord’s Prayer Matthew 6:9-13” on YouTube
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Watch “Humility Psalms 25:9, John 3:30” on YouTube
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The American job market of 2022 is a pyramid scheme. You get a job and then you’re expected to work your way up if you want to have financial prosperity. But in any organization there are more workers than there are supervisors or managers. The job market is designed to uplift some and disenfranchise others.
A lot of jobs don’t offer any real type of career advancement. That’s particularly true for African Americans and women. Despite anti discrimination laws many American organizations only see Black people as workers and White people as leaders and they have a hard time deviating from that. Don’t believe that loyalty, hard work and professionalism will get you anywhere in an organization with racial and gender bias.
Jobs don’t really give raises. The pay increases given each year are between 2-5% which is barely a cost of living increase. It’s not a raise. In order to make more money you need to pivot and find an entirely new career path that can pay off. Be cognizant of career ceilings. Some careers plateau very quickly.
People go to college with hopes and dreams of a glamorous career but there aren’t that many glamorous high paying careers. Take some time and look at career websites. In my area they are mostly looking for office workers that don’t pay more than $45K per year, customer service jobs and warehouse work. At least that’s what I see.
In today’s job market I would recommend going to community college and getting an associates degree unless you have a very specific career path. I’m not sure that the current job market is worth getting a four year degree. Most employers are not worth it. If you pursue a higher education do it for you. I wholeheartedly support scholarship for the sake of learning.
Anyway, we have all been lied to. There are very few glamorous, high paying careers. It’s mostly grunt work. Take it for what it is. At least it’s an opportunity to earn a living. Focus on making money and pursue your interests and passions in your free time.
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I have experience with on line dating sites. I’ve used different dating sites over the years. I’ve written about my experiences on this blog. This post isn’t about dating and relationships. It’s about staying safe. Staying safe is your number one priority.
I enjoy observing modern American culture. Anyone that is objectively observing American culture in 2022 should come to the conclusion that America is hostile towards girls and women. The hostility manifests itself in many different ways. One of the ways animosity towards women is being expressed is through deception, manipulation, violence and homicide.
Anyone can be taken advantage of by someone using a dating app to take advantage of others. It can happen to men or women of any sexual orientation. I am writing this is written from the point of view of a heterosexual woman. I believe we are the most vulnerable.
Men who seek to hurt women are using dating websites to lure women in order to abuse and kill them. I’m not going to quote statistics. Go on You Tube and look at local news stories from across the US. Men killing women is very common. Often women are killed by men they met on a dating website.
These are strategies I used while I was using internet dating websites. This is not about victim blaming. This is about protecting yourself and avoiding people and situations that can be harmful. That is the first line of defense. There is risk that goes along with giving men access to yourself. That means there is risk involved with being alone with men.
The odds are in your favor. Most men are not murderers or rapists. But enough of them are violent sociopaths for a single woman to be concerned about her personal safety while dating. The local news across the US is filled with stories of women going on dates and being robbed, raped or murdered. You have one life and if someone hurts or kills you there is no second chance. Avoid gambling with your property, body or life. A date and chance at romance is not worth the risk.
Take Your Time
When you meet people on line take your time during the conversation stage. Be judgemental and critical. Look for signs of anger, rudeness or that he is taking direction from so called dating gurus on social media. Those people are almost always toxic.
Don’t trust men that are in a rush. Con artists want to move quickly. They want to find a victim, exploit her and drain her with speed and stealth. Time is on women’s side. Any time you think you’re ready to meet a man in person. Wait a week. Don’t be anxious. If he has genuine interest and respects women he will wait until you are comfortable.
He’s a Stranger
Even if you’ve been talking to a man for a while he is still a stranger. You don’t know him. He is not your friend. Your date is a stranger and should be treated as such. Keep him at arm’s length and don’t make yourself vulnerable right away.
Have Strict Rules for Meeting Places
When I was meeting online dates I chose chain restaurants. Most American chain restaurants have a similar layout. They have windows wrapped around and they are surrounded by a parking lot. The windows create potential witnesses. Park as close to the door as possible. When you pull up to the restaurant try and find a parking spot in front of a window where customers are already seated.
A first meeting with a man you met on the internet is not about being wined and dined. It’s not a matter of being impressed. It’s simply a meeting just like a job interview where both sides put in face time to see if there is further interest on both sides.
Meet During Daylight
Meet during daylight. Make sure you have enough time so that you can leave and it’s still light outside. This gives you a better chance at having a witness if a man does something psycho. It also makes the date more respectable if you can leave before the sunsets. Part company after the meal. Staying out too late makes you vulnerable. You may get more relaxed. There are more opportunities for you to be hurt. A table in a restaurant is a fairly safe space.
Don’t Drink
Don’t drink on a first on line date. I don’t care if you like to drink. You’re better off going out alone after the date and having a cocktail. Drinking will make you less inhibited and vulnerable.
Don’t Share a Car
You’ve gone out with the guy and he seems nice. Great. He’s still a stranger. He’s not your friend. He’s not your boyfriend. Wait a long time before you get in his car or let him get in yours. Use your own transportation. If you usually get around town on the bus. Stay on the bus or call a cab. Don’t make yourself vulnerable and put yourself in the semi private environment of a car.
Let Someone Know Where You Are
I understand wanting to keep your dating life private from family and friends. But let someone know who you are spending time with and where you are going. Let a co worker, out of state relative, neighbor or someone know what’s going on. Let them know why you are telling them this. It’s good to have a person that will check back with you and make sure you made it back home. If something goes wrong at least there is a liaison to communicate with the police.
Don’t Let Yourself Be Bullied
Anyone that can’t understand a woman being cautious about meeting men on line does not care about women. They are not your friend and they are either foolish or seeking to exploit you. You as a woman are the vulnerable party. Stand your ground and maintain proper boundaries. If you’re not ready to go out don’t. If something seems off block.
Don’t Go Home With Him
I don’t mean to be a prude or the fun police but take a long time before going to his house. Sex with a stranger isn’t worth the risk. There are many risks but I’m talking about the immediate risk of being robbed and or killed. You’re the vulnerable party and you are leaving a lot up to chance by putting yourself in an intimate situation with a stranger.
Have Your Own Money
I don’t believe in going Dutch but be prepared to pay your own way. Be able to pay for your own meal if things go awry. Be able to get yourself home.
Men are victimized by people they meet on dating apps too. I write from my point of view as a heterosexual woman. We are the vulnerable party and that should not be forgotten. Be smart, strategic and not too anxious. Take your time and listen to your instincts. I want to emphasize take your time. Time is on the woman’s side at this stage of the relationship.
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Over the Limit
Over the weekend I watched the documentary “Over the Limit” about gold medal winning Olympic rhythmic gymnast Margarita Mamun. This is a good sports movie and I recommend it. It is in Russian with no subtitles or voice overs. The film is an hour and fourteen minutes long and I didn’t understand a word except for a scene where Rita’s family sang “Happy Birthday”. The film was engaging and easy to understand despite the language barrier. I think not understanding what anyone is saying may have made the film more intense.
The thing I appreciate most about “Over the Limit” is that the subjects of the film had no discernible awareness of the camera. The audience observes Rita, her coaches and other people in her life as if we are flies on the wall. Watching Rita’s dedication to her sport takes the audience through a range of emotions. Throughout the film we admire Margarita and at times we felt bad for her. Her coaches are very stern and stoic. It’s hard to judge the coaches since I am not of the Russian culture or an athlete but at times they seem borderline abusive.
Margarita is surrounded by coaches, team mates, fans, a seemingly loving family and a dreamboat boyfriend who is an Olympic swimmer yet her journey was lonely. The visuals or the film are stark. It takes place in Moscow. Rita spends all of her time in the film in small apartments and gyms.
She competes in a solitary sport and she spends much of her time outside of the gym alone in her quiet apartment preparing her props for practice and competition. At times Rita seemed distant from her coaches while having conversations with them and looking into their eyes. The most warmth in the film comes from her relationship with her boyfriend who is now her husband.
If you get the opportunity check out “Over the Limit”. It’s a good sports movie. It’s fairly quick, interesting and enjoyable even if you are not a Russian speaker.
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RIP Queen: The Death of Cheslie Kryst, Miss USA 2019
It was reported over the weekend that Miss USA 2019 Cheslie Kryst jumped sixty stories to her death from a NYC sky scraper. I am still shocked and dismayed by this grim and disheartening news. I’ve never had a death of a high profile person affect me in such a way. Cheslie was living the dream. She lived in a luxury high rise in NYC, had a glamorous job, was highly accomplished, beautiful and young. Cheslie died at thirty but I’m old enough now that thirty is young.
I did not know Cheslie personally. I’m merely a pageant fan an an admirer. She was an attorney at the time she was crowned Miss USA 2019. She was very fit. I thought she was a great role model for young ladies. I appreciate the soft power of femininity that she and other pageant contestants represent. I think the world needs more of that.
I wish I could have helped her. I wish I knew what was wrong. I have no basis for understanding of a decision to jump to your death from a luxury high rise apartment. This is very hurtful and confusing. I hope Cheslie’s soul is at rest now. It’s unfortunate that she was unable to find peace and fulfillment in her life despite all of her blessings. Her presence will be missed.
I am not a counselor or mental health expert in any form. I’m a person who is trying to make sense of this tragedy as are so many others. I’ve faced discouragement in my life but I’ve never been in such despair that I’ve considered ending my life. I don’t think I’ve experienced such torment.
Here is my advice. I’m not educated as a mental health professional. I encourage anyone to seek help they need through professional mental health services. There is nothing wrong with taking psychiatric medicine if that’s what you need or seeking advice from a therapist. I also encourage people to have a healthy outlet for their feelings. For me writing has been a great way for me to process emotions and to sort out matters in my life.
I strongly encourage everyone to strengthen their spirit and soul with prayer and studying the BIble. Life is very hard for everyone, even promising young women that seem to it all. The world wears everyone down. It’s designed to grind down our spirit.
I’ve always found hope and strength in the Lord. The Bible is one of the few sources of wisdom, inspiration and encouragement in these modern times. When I reflect on my life I know that Jesus Christ helped and guided me through difficult situations and times. He’s always made a way and helped me to make good decisions. I encourage young (or not so young) people to feed their soul and protect themselves by choosing to follow Jesus Christ.
Disclaimer: This is not a judgement against Cheslie in any way. I do not know anything about her spiritual walk. I’m also aware of pastors that have taken their own lives. There are no absolute answers. This is advice to everyone that reads this based on my personal experience in life. We are ignoring our souls and spirits far too much in these modern times. I believe that Christ is the way to feed your spirit, heart and soul.
If you find this post to be offensive please understand that it comes from a place of concern for humanity.
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Popeyes Hottie Sauce: A Review
I tried Popeyes Hottie Sauce recently. It was good and I recommend you give it a try. I had the sauce on Popeyes chicken strips which were delicious. The Popeyes strips are some of the best strips I’ve ever had. The best way to describe Hottie Sauce is McDonald’s sweet and sour sour with hot sauce added. The sauce has a nice bite to it.
The marketing department of Popeyes are brilliant. They turned their mediocre at best sandwiches into a sensation pre pandemic. Now they have hip hop star Meg the Stallion as the pitch woman for their new sauce. If you’re not aware, Meg calls her fans Hotties, thus the name Hottie Sauce. Anyway, if you enjoy fast food give Popeyes chicken strips with the Hottie Sauce a try. I think you will enjoy them.
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Winter Review: West Side Story
I recently saw Steven Spielberg’s retelling of the classic musical “West Side Story”. I enjoyed the love story a great deal. Spielberg and his cast and crew did a great job in this remake. I saw “West Side Story” with Natalie Wood many years ago on one of the cable classic movie channels and loved it. I expected to enjoy “West Side Story” and I wasn’t disappointed.
After watching “West Side Story” in the theater I found my CD of the music from the 1961 Natalie Wood version of the film. The new release of “West Side Story” follows the older one closely. “West Side Story” debuted on stage in 1957. It became a Hollywood film in 1961. Gentrification, economic stress, immigration and racial tension are all plot points in the film. All of these matters appear in current news.
The character of Anita which was played by Rita Moreno in 1961 was played by Ariana DeBose in 2021. Ariana has visible, significant African ancestry which gave the cast diversity without seeming forced. Many remakes these days cast a Black person in a part formerly played by a White person and it can come across contrived and forced. This casting choice worked well.
The role of Anybodys was memorable in the 1961 version of WSS. In the 1961 version Anybodys was just thought of as a tomboy. In the 2021 version her gender identity and sexuality was more well defined. Anybodys played an important role in the film. She badly wanted to be accepted by the Jets as one of the boys. She was largely ignored because she was a woman who was not traditionally attractive and feminine. Since she moved about in relative anonymity she was able to act as a spy for the Jets. The representation of this openly gender fluid character was a nice modern touch to this classic musical.
This film is solid. The singing and visuals was were great. The acting was first rate. It’s a great love story. The film award’s season is around the corner and I expect “West Side Story” to receive a great deal of recognition. I recommend it.
Thoughts, Observations, Impressions
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Shannon's Life in the Midwest 