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Watch “1 Samuel 16:7 Your Heart is More Important Than Your Appearance” on YouTube
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Watch “Sabbath/The Lord’s Day Hebrews 4:1-13 Exodus 20:8” on YouTube
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80s Pop Lyrics Were Toxic!
If you’ve ever wondered what went wrong with Generation X study the lyrics to some of the pop songs from back when our parents were still together. This music is toxic. Baby Boomers were psycho in their prime years. It may be a good thing that they got divorced and left their children alone. Take a look at some of these lyrics about love gone wrong, a lack of boundaries, infidelity, low self worth and financial abuse. (Take this is jest.)
Women put their desperation on full display in the 80s. I listened to these lyrics for the first time in the last year. I was shocked to hear this from Diana Ross of all people.
Diana Ross Upside Down
I said upside down
You’re turning me
You’re giving love instinctively
Around and round you’re turning meUpside down
Boy, you turn me
Inside out
And round and round
Upside down
Boy, you turn me
Inside out
And round and roundInstinctively you give to me
The love that I need
I cherish the moments with you
Respectfully I say to thee
I’m aware that you’re cheating
When no one makes me feel like you doUpside down
Boy, you turn me
Inside out
And round and round
Upside down
Boy, you turn me
Inside out
And round and roundI know you got charm and appeal
You always play the field
I’m crazy to think you are mine
As long as the sun continues to shine
There’s a place in my heart for you
That’s the bottomlineUpside down
Boy, you turn me
Inside out
And round and round
Upside down
Boy, you turn me
Inside out
And round and roundInstinctively you give to me
The love that I need
I cherish the moments with you
Respectfully I say to thee
I’m aware that you’re cheating
But no one makes me feel like you doUpside down
Boy, you turn me
Inside out
And round and round
Upside down
Boy, you turn me
Inside out
And round and roundUpside down
Boy, you turn me
Inside out
And round and round
Upside down
Boy, you turn me
Inside out
And round and roundUpside down you’re turning me
You’re giving love instinctively
Around and round you’re turning me
I say to thee respectfullyUpside down you’re turning me
You’re giving love instinctively
Around and round you’re turning me
I say to thee respectfullyI said a upside down you’re turning me
You’re giving love instinctively
Around and round you’re turning meI say to thee respectfully
Upside down you’re turning me
You’re giving love instinctively
Around and round you’re turning me
I say to thee respectfullyUpside down you’re turning me
The SOS Band took feminine longing, anguish and delusion to another level.
SOS Band Just be Good to Me
Friends tell me I am crazy
And I’m wasting time with you
You’ll never be mine
It’s not the way I see it
‘Cause I feel you’re already mine
Whenever you’re with me (oh, oh, oh)People always talkin’ about
Your reputation
I don’t care about your other girls
Just be good to me (oh, oh, oh)Friends are always tellin’ me
You’re a user
I don’t care what you do to them
Just be good to me (oh, oh, oh)You may have many others
But I know when you’re with me
You are all mine
Friends always seem to listen
To the bad things that you do
You never do them to me (oh, oh, oh)People always talkin’ about
Your reputation
I don’t care about your other girls
Just be good to me (Oh, oh, oh)Friends are always tellin’ me
You’re a user
I don’t care what you do to them
Just be good to me (oh, oh, oh)La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
Just be good to meLife is a game of chances
So I’ll take my chance with you
And you, I won’t try to change
We talk about it and I
Never had a piece of you
And to have all of nothing (oh, oh, oh)But just be good to me
In the mornin’
Just be good to me
In the afternoon or evenin’, oh, yeah
Just be good to me (oh, oh, oh)I’ll give you love, I will smother you
I’ll give affection, I won’t bother you
I’ll be good to you, you’ll be good to me, yeah, yeah
Just be good to me (oh, oh, oh)I’m not the jealous type, I won’t tie you down
When you need me, I’ll be around
I’ll be good to you, you’ll be good to me
And we’ll be together, be togetherLa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la (oh)
Just be good to me (oh, oh, oh)La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la (be nice to me, be sweet to me)
Just be good to me (oh, oh, oh)La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la (we’ll be good to each other)
(Oh, each and every day) just be good to me (oh, oh, oh)La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la (we will love each other, ooh, yes, we will)
Just be good to me (oh, oh, oh)La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
Just be good to me (oh, oh, oh)In 1983 The Police gave us the stalkers anthem.
The Police Every Breath You Take
Every breath you take
And every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I’ll be watching youEvery single day
And every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I’ll be watching youOh, can’t you see
You belong to me?
How my poor heart aches
With every step you take?Every move you make
And every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
I’ll be watching youSince you’ve gone, I’ve been lost without a trace
I dream at night, I can only see your face
I look around, but it’s you I can’t replace
I feel so cold, and I long for your embrace
I keep crying baby, baby pleaseOh, can’t you see
You belong to me?
How my poor heart aches
With every step you take?Every move you make
And every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
I’ll be watching you
Every move you make
Every step you take
I’ll be watching youI’ll be watching you
(Every breath you take)
(Every move you make)
(Every bond you break)
(Every step you take) I’ll be watching you
(Every single day)
(Every word you say)
(Every game you play)
(Every night you stay) I’ll be watching youI’ll be watching you
(Every single day)
(Every word you say) Whoo, hoo
(Every game you play)
(Every night you stay) I’ll be watching youI’ll be watching you
(Every single day)
(Every word you say)
(Every game you play)
(Every night you stay) I’ll be watching youI’ll be watching you
(Every single day)
(Every word you say)
(Every game you play)
(Every night you stay) I’ll be watching you…The Human League wrote a song about being jealous of a woman’s coming of age and success.
The Human League Don’t You Want Me
You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar
When I met you
I picked you out, I shook you up
And turned you around
Turned you into someone new
Now five years later on you’ve got the world at your feet
Success has been so easy for you
But don’t forget it’s me who put you where you are now
And I can put you back down too.Don’t. Don’t you want me?
You know I can’t believe it when I hear that you won’t see me
Don’t. Don’t you want me?
You know I don’t believe you when you say that you don’t need meIt’s much too late to find
When you think you’ve changed your mind
You’d better change it back or we will both be sorryDon’t you want me, baby?
Don’t you want me? Oh!
Don’t you want me, baby?
Don’t you want me? Oh!I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar
That much is true
But even then I knew I’d find a much better place
Either with or without you
The five years we have had have been such good at times
I still love you
But now I think it’s time I lived my life on my own
I guess it’s just what I must doDon’t. Don’t you want me?
You know I can’t believe it when I hear that you won’t see me
Don’t. Don’t you want me?
You know I don’t believe you when you say that you don’t need meIt’s much too late find
When you think you’ve changed your mind
You’d better change it back or we will both be sorryDon’t you want me, baby?
Don’t you want me? Oh!
Don’t you want me, baby?
Don’t you want me? Oh!Don’t you want me, baby?
Don’t you want me? Oh!
Don’t you want me, baby?
Don’t you want me? Oh!Don’t you want me, baby?
Don’t you want me? Oh!
Don’t you want me, baby?
Don’t you want me? OhDon’t you want me, baby?
Don’t you want me? Oh!
Don’t you want me, baby?
Don’t you want me? Oh!Here’s another song about a man using money as leverage in a relationship.
Oran Juice Jones The Rain
I saw you (and him, and him) walking in the rain
You were holding hands and I’ll never be the sameTossing and turning another sleepless night
The rain crashes against my window pane
Jumped into my car–didn’t drive too far
That moment I knew I would never be the sameCause I saw you (and him, and him) walking in the rain
You were holding hands and I’ll never be the sameNow here you are begging to me
To give our love another try
Girl I love you and I always will
But darling right now I’ve got to say goodbyeCause I saw you (and him, and him) walking in the rain
You were holding hands and I’ll never be the sameI saw you (and him) walking in the rain
You were holding hands and I’ll never be the sameHey, hey, baby, how you doin’, come on in here
Got some hot chocolate on the stove waitin’ for ya
Listen, first things first, let me hang up that coat
Yeah, ‘n’ how’s your day today, did ya miss me?
Oh, you did, yeah, I missed you, too
I missed you so much I followed you today
That’s right
Now close your mouth
Cause you cold busted
That’s right, now sit down here
Sit down here
So upset with you I don’t know what to do
‘n’ my first impulse was to run up on you
And do a Rambo
Whip out the jammy and flat-blast both of you
But I ain’t wanna mess up this thirty-seve hundred dollar lynx coat
So instead, I chilled
That’s right, chilled, then I went to the bank
Took out every dime
And then I went and canceled all those credit cards
Yeah
All your charge accounts
Yeah
I stuck you up for every piece of jewelry I ever bought you
Yeah
That’s right, everything
Everything
Did fool out with me
Naw, don’t go, you ever go, don’t go looking in that closet
Cause you ain’t got nothing in there
Everything you came here with–Is packe dup and waiting for you in the guest room
That’s right, what was you thinking about, huh?
What were you tryin’ to prove, huh?
You’s with the Juice
‘n’ I gave you silk suits, Gucci handbags, blue diamonds
I gave you things you couldn’t even pronounce
Now I can’t give you nothin’ but advice
Cause you’re still young
That’s right, you’re still young
I hope you learn a valuable lesson from all this
You know?
Gonna find someone like me one of these days
Until then, know what you gotta do?
You gotta get on outta here with that
Alley-cat-coat wearin’
Hush-puppy-shoe-wearing’
Crumb cake I saw you with
Cause you dismissed
That’s right, silly rabbit
Tricks are made for kids, don’t you know that?
You without me: like cornflake without the milk
It’s my world–you just a squirrel, tryin’ to get a nut
Now get on outta here
Ah!
Don’t touch that coat!Adultery carrols.
Atlantic Starr Secret Lovers
Here we are the two of us together
Taking this crazy chance to be all alone
We both know that we should not be together
‘Cause if they found out
It could mess up, both our happy homesI hate to think about us all meeting up together
As soon as I looked at you it would show on my face
Then they’ll know that we’ve been loving each other
They can never no, oh no, we can’t leave a traceSecret Lovers that’s what we are, we shouldn’t be together
But we can’t let it go, oh no, cause we love each other soSittin at home I do nothing all day
But think about you and hope that your ok
Hoping you’ll call before anyone gets home
I’ll wait anxiously, alone by the phoneHow could something so wrong be so right
I wish we didn’t have to keep our love out of sight
Living two lives just ain’t easy at all
But we gotta hang on and after fallSecret lovers that’s what we are
Trying so hard to hide the way we feel
Cause we both belong to someone else
But we can’t let it go, cause what we feel is oh so real
So realYou and me, are we fair
Is this cruel, or do we care
Can they tell what’s in our minds
Maybe they’ve had secret love all of the timeIn the middle of makin love we notice the time
We both get nervous cause it’s way after nine
Even though we hate it, we know it’s time that we go
We gotta be careful, so that no one will knowSecret lovers, that’s what we are
Trying so hard to hide the way we feel
‘Cause we both belong to someone else
But we can’t let it go
‘Cause what we feel is oh so real
So realYou can tell a lot about a culture from it’s art. This is art from the 80s and it says a lot about relationships between men and women just as pop music tells us a lot about relationships now. I’m kidding around in this post. I’m not trying to be super sensitive, politically correct or cancel anyone (not that I could). These are historical observations that I find interesting and kind of humorous. I love the 80s!
BONUS TRACKS
Only in the 80s could a song about child abuse become a pop hit. What were we thinking? Suzanne Vega dropped this gem in 1987. It’s about a boy getting his ass beat and the neighbors heard it through the walls. This seems to have been a regular occurrence yet no one saw fit to call the cops. Oh well, it was catchy. The 80s were madness I tell ya!
Suzanne Vega Luka
My name is Luka
I live on the second floor
I live upstairs from you
Yes I think you’ve seen me beforeIf you hear something late at night
Some kind of trouble, some kind of fight
Just don’t ask me what it was
Just don’t ask me what it was
Just don’t ask me what it wasI think it’s because I’m clumsy
I try not to talk too loud
Maybe it’s because I’m crazy
I try not to act too proudThey only hit until you cry
And after that you don’t ask why
You just don’t argue anymore
You just don’t argue anymore
You just don’t argue anymoreYes I think I’m okay
I walked into the door again
If you ask that’s what I’ll say
And it’s not your business anywayI guess I’d like to be alone
With nothing broken, nothing thrown
Just don’t ask me how I am
Just don’t ask me how I am
Just don’t ask me how I amMy name is Luka
I live on the second floor
I live upstairs from you
Yes I think you’ve seen me beforeIf you hear something late at night
Some kind of trouble, some kind of fight
Just don’t ask me what it was
Just don’t ask me what it was
Just don’t ask me what it wasThey only hit until you cry
And after that you don’t ask why
You just don’t argue anymore
You just don’t argue anymore
You just don’t argue anymoreThis song actually made it to number eight in 1991 on the Billboard 100 chart. It was the early 90s so I’ll throw it in. Crystal Waters made a song about homelessness into a dance hit. That’s right, a song about homelessness and probably mental illness sent party goers to the dance floor during this era. It’s kind of morbid when you think about it.
The winds are blowing every morning
Just to do her hair now
Because she cares you allHer day oh wouldn’t be right
Without her make up
She’s never had a make upLa da dee la dee da
La da dee la dee da
La da dee la dee da
La da dee la dee da
La da dee la dee da
La da dee la dee daShe’s just like you and me
But she’s homeless, she’s homeless
As she stands there singing for moneyLa da dee la dee da
La da dee la dee da
La da dee la dee da
La da dee la dee da
La da dee la dee da
La da dee la dee daIn my sleep I see her begging
Reaching police
Although her body’s not mine
I ask now I do, now I doShe’s just like you and me
But she’s homeless, she’s homeless
As she stands there singing for moneyLa da dee la dee da
La da dee la dee da
La da dee la dee da
La da dee la dee da
La da dee la dee da
La da dee la dee daShe’s just like you and me
As she stands there singing for moneyLa da dee la dee da
La da dee la dee da
La da dee la dee da
La da dee la dee da
La da dee la dee da
La da dee la dee daKnow me
Did you know, did you know
Did you know -
Living Practically, Managing and Thriving
Practicality can go a long way if you’re on a budget or trying to save money. Basic expenses are becoming more costly so it’s important to know how to prioritize and manage your money and household. It doesn’t matter what your household is like. Your home and personal finances need to be managed whether you are single, single parents, single with pets, live with relatives, live with partner or live with a partner and children. These are a few of my practical habits for managing personal finance. All of this may be common sense for some but household budgeting and thrift may not come easily for others.
Pay for essentials with your paycheck. If you are a wage earner that earns a regular paycheck use your check to cover your basics. When you get paid use your check to pay for bills that are due. Buy gas, household items, toiletries and groceries. If you are a tither use your check to pay that as well. Once you’ve cared for the essentials the left over money can be saved, invested or used as discretionary income.
Pay for essentials with money you have. Some will disagree with this. By that I mean spend the money you’ve already earned. Some will advise to use credit cards as much as possible and pay the balance every month. I’ve heard people say they do this in order to earn travel points. This may work for a person that is married with children because their expenses are higher and the points will add up faster. I also think this strategy can work well for someone that is trying to establish credit. It’s personal choice but I prefer to keep things simple and pay for basics with money in the bank. Decisions need to be made on personal circumstances and priorities.
I’m unmarried without children so rewards or travel points don’t add up very fast for me because my expenses aren’t very high. I’m not concerned about establishing credit because I’ve already done so. I just don’t think it’s a good practice to make essential purchases on credit. Your budget is how you manage money you’ve earned not really the credit you have.
I think that spending money that you’ve already earned helps to keep you cognizant of your budget. When you’re aware of your real income you will be more conscious of what you’re able to spend. It’s all a matter of numbers and consciousness. Being conscious of the real number will keep you from paying overdraft fees.
Take advantage of sales and specials. Groceries prices have increased. At the grocery where I shop I’ve noticed that the managers have made an effort to make sure that there is a sale item in every category. If you’re not super picky you can usually find a comparable item at a reasonable price. The grocers are trying to help people out.
If you find meat on sale buy it. Freeze it and thaw it when you’re ready to make dinner. The same can be said for canned items and non perishables. Take advantage of sales and save them. The drawback is to make sure you can use the sale items within a reasonable time and you’re not hording. The same thing applies to using coupons.
Save a little bit of money when you get money. Years ago I saw a financial expert on Oprah who said “pay yourself first”. This was great advice and anyone at any income can apply it to their circumstances. Come up with a savings plan even if it’s a jar in a kitchen cupboard where you drop in spare change.
Think about what you want in your future. Consider retirement and things that you want such as starting a business, a car, home, vacations, glasses, medical procedures and luxuries. (There is nothing wrong with wanting luxuries and nice things. Don’t let anyone tell you anything different.) Whatever you want for your future is your business and a matter of goals, interests, lifestyle and personal taste. No matter what you want for your future it’s going to take money.
It’s a good idea to invest in your employer’s 401k program. I also recommend opening a Roth IRA. Research or ask your bank or credit union about Roth IRA options. They have different plans for different levels of income. The younger you are the better off you will be long term if you start saving.
Learn to cook. Learning to cook is a basic life skill for men and women, married or single, whether you have children or you don’t. Cooking can save you money, time and can be healthier. It’s also a bonding activity for family and friends. Cooking is easy so don’t be intimidated. If you can acquire a few basic skills such as baking meat or cooking pasta you can create a variety of meals for yourself a guest or your family.
Groceries prices are rising but so are restaurant prices. Eating out is usually costly, not great for you and it’s often not satisfying. It’s not hard to learn to prepare chicken breasts or pork chops. Keep a few basic seasonings in the house such as salt, pepper and Lowry’s seasoning salt, lemon pepper or garlic salt. Heat up frozen or canned vegetables or cook rice as a side dish.
If you can read you can cook. Look on Pinterest for recipes. You can also find recipes on seasoning packets and canned goods which are purchased at the grocery store for meals like meatloaf or sloppy joes. Give it a try. There will be some trial and error but it is worth your time to develop some basic culinary skills. You should be able to tolerate your own cooking. I’ve also found that cooking gives you a greater appreciation for people that work in restaurants.
Don’t buy lunch at work every day. Restaurants are expensive. Very few restaurants offer healthy options. Packing a lunch is much more economical. Frozen entrees are between $3-$5. They are tasty and satisfying for the price. I usually pack a snack like an apple, fruit bar or a ziploc bag of chips. That gets me through the day until dinner.
Soups and canned ravioli are good to pack for lunch too. Frozen entrees and canned items like soups and ravioli are high in sodium so it’s important to watch the rest of your sodium intake for the day. Since convenience foods are high in sodium consider taking leftovers to work for lunch. This is another benefit to learning to cook. Invest in food storage containers.
Pay credit card bills off in full at the end of the month. This way you avoid paying interest and fees. At times you may need to make payments on a purchase such as a new transmission or paying for your wedding. It’s a good idea to keep your credit card balance low or clear in case of emergencies or expensive planned purchases.
I prefer to use credit cards on things like travel, clothing, electronics and vehicle maintenance. Plan ahead in order to insure that you will have money in your account to comfortably pay the balance in full once the credit card bill arrives.
Pay what you owe. If you owe your friend twenty dollars and you only have a twenty dollar bill you have zero dollars. You can’t grow financially with a lot of debt. Sometimes debt is necessary to take on. Have a plan to pay it back before taking on the debt and stick with it. If you took on debt in an emergency seek out assistance such as the case of medical debt. Pay your bills on time and avoid late fees. This is how you establish good credit. Your credit rating can make a big difference in the opportunities you’re offered.
Always look for ways to increase your income. Whether you earn extra income from a promotion at work, job change, career change, part time job or starting a business more money is a good thing. More money increases your sense of security, safety and opportunities.
Businesses are always looking for ways to increase revenue so you have no choice but to look for ways to increase your income. Do your best to stay out of situations that keep you stagnant. If a life situation isn’t giving you new opportunities to grow and thrive seek a new path.
These practices that I developed at a young age have been beneficial. Financial advice often grinds my gears because it tends to be geared towards high income people. You can only budget so much when your income isn’t very high. Market values dictate prices of essentials and there is no way around paying minimum prices for items that you need or want. Always be looking for new opportunities to increase your income and give yourself a bigger budget.
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Untitled
I gained a few pounds over the last year or so. I’m perimenopausal and less active since the COVID lockdowns. I had to modify my wardrobe last season to accommodate the extra pounds. I donated several items to Goodwill or gave them away to acquaintances. I learned that it’s pretty expensive to replace a lot of your wardrobe at once. JC Penney and Amazon were my go to retailers.
I had to get rid of almost all of my slack and jeans. It started one morning when I was getting ready for work. I went through several pairs of pants and I couldn’t fit any of them properly. I don’t wear jeans often but I tried mine on to see if I could fit them. I don’t think I could fit any of them.
Many of my slacks were from Express. Express slacks run around sixty dollars at least. That’s a bit steep but I worked for Express in the past so I got an employee discount and used it often. I’ve also been on their e-mail and preferred customer list for years and I took advantage of sales and coupons. I’ve been the same size for most of my post pubescent life and the clothes were good quality so they’ve lasted for years.
I replaced my slacks with merchandise from NY & Co. The quality was not good but they were cheap and I was having an emergency. They will do and I can put better quality items into my wardrobe bit by bit. The construction of my NY & Co. slacks are squirrely. The pockets don’t lay flat. It’s as if Denise Huxtable made them. But they were about $30 a piece. You get what you pay for and I needed new pants. I also found a nice pair of black Calvin Klein pair of pants at Ross.
I also bought slacks from Old Navy. I have a complicated relationship with Old Navy. I may write about that a different time because my explanation would take a bit. Let’s just say I think they’re partially responsible for the decline of Western civilization. That’s for a different blog post.
Old Navy pants fit me a little odd. I ordered the pixie cut. I bought a size bigger than my old size and the pants were still tight. I bought the size up after that and they were still tight in the thighs and behind but they gave a lot of pooch room. My pooch isn’t that big. It’s almost as if they are maternity pants but I checked and they’re not maternity pants. They’re just for people with big pooches.
I got new jeans from Amazon. I chose high waist or mom jeans. I’m not a mom but I have a great deal of respect and appreciation for these jeans. Jeans are expensive. It’s also difficult to find jeans that aren’t torn, high water or some sort of weird wash. I bought two pairs of Gloria Vanderbilt jeans for around $40 each.
I’ve shopped at more expensive retailers in the past but I made purchases piece by piece so it wasn’t as costly. One of my favorite retailers is Express. They are on the expensive side in my opinion but I took advantage of their Black Friday sales. I bought a new suit from Express. It’s nice and the suit is made with a material that is almost like a fleece.
I bought several suits from Express in the past. Their suits have always been great. They were sharp and fit like a glove. Their current selection doesn’t match what they offered in the past but it will do. You can’t look at my suit and tell it’s made from sweat pants material. Express did what they needed to do to cater to people that want to wear jammies and yoga pants everywhere.
I had a job interview last Fall and I couldn’t fit any of my suits. I didn’t have time to buy anything new. I pieced something together but after thinking about it I think the blouse may have been a little low cut. It didn’t matter that much because I wasn’t offered the position and that’s OK. I don’t blame the lack of success on the the low cut blouse. At least that occasion prepared me for the next opportunity.
I’ve learned how to manage a pooch. The first thing I learned is the value of good underwear. I have what I call dress underwear. I call them dress underwear because they work well with dresses. Pants are a lot more forgiving and sharp looking. Dresses are more complicated.
I purchased my dress underwear at Target and they do a great job of sucking in my pooch and making it less obvious un. I also learned that A line dresses are great for camouflaging a pooch. Sheath dresses are less forgiving and reveal the pooch a lot more. You have to give yourself plenty of room while not having the dress fit like a bag. Dresses that fit well are sharp. Tight dresses are tacky.
I didn’t buy new shoes last season. However, I have a pair of white combat boots that I’ve gotten more use out of than I thought I would. I got them from Shoe Carnival for around $50 or so. I also got some new accessories. I got a few belts from JC Penney and jewelry.
The last year has taught me to wear clothes that fit. It sounds simple but it’s a bit of a hill to get over. I wasn’t interested in trying to lose weight because I don’t think I’m an unhealthy weight. I’m just middle aged, perimenopausal and going through natural life changes. I think older women that strive to be very thin look a bit strange. There are a few Hollywood examples of this. Dress for the body you have and wear good underwear especially if you are in a dress.
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Watch “Lord’s Prayer Matthew 6:9-13” on YouTube
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Watch “Humility Psalms 25:9, John 3:30” on YouTube
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The American job market of 2022 is a pyramid scheme. You get a job and then you’re expected to work your way up if you want to have financial prosperity. But in any organization there are more workers than there are supervisors or managers. The job market is designed to uplift some and disenfranchise others.
A lot of jobs don’t offer any real type of career advancement. That’s particularly true for African Americans and women. Despite anti discrimination laws many American organizations only see Black people as workers and White people as leaders and they have a hard time deviating from that. Don’t believe that loyalty, hard work and professionalism will get you anywhere in an organization with racial and gender bias.
Jobs don’t really give raises. The pay increases given each year are between 2-5% which is barely a cost of living increase. It’s not a raise. In order to make more money you need to pivot and find an entirely new career path that can pay off. Be cognizant of career ceilings. Some careers plateau very quickly.
People go to college with hopes and dreams of a glamorous career but there aren’t that many glamorous high paying careers. Take some time and look at career websites. In my area they are mostly looking for office workers that don’t pay more than $45K per year, customer service jobs and warehouse work. At least that’s what I see.
In today’s job market I would recommend going to community college and getting an associates degree unless you have a very specific career path. I’m not sure that the current job market is worth getting a four year degree. Most employers are not worth it. If you pursue a higher education do it for you. I wholeheartedly support scholarship for the sake of learning.
Anyway, we have all been lied to. There are very few glamorous, high paying careers. It’s mostly grunt work. Take it for what it is. At least it’s an opportunity to earn a living. Focus on making money and pursue your interests and passions in your free time.
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I have experience with on line dating sites. I’ve used different dating sites over the years. I’ve written about my experiences on this blog. This post isn’t about dating and relationships. It’s about staying safe. Staying safe is your number one priority.
I enjoy observing modern American culture. Anyone that is objectively observing American culture in 2022 should come to the conclusion that America is hostile towards girls and women. The hostility manifests itself in many different ways. One of the ways animosity towards women is being expressed is through deception, manipulation, violence and homicide.
Anyone can be taken advantage of by someone using a dating app to take advantage of others. It can happen to men or women of any sexual orientation. I am writing this is written from the point of view of a heterosexual woman. I believe we are the most vulnerable.
Men who seek to hurt women are using dating websites to lure women in order to abuse and kill them. I’m not going to quote statistics. Go on You Tube and look at local news stories from across the US. Men killing women is very common. Often women are killed by men they met on a dating website.
These are strategies I used while I was using internet dating websites. This is not about victim blaming. This is about protecting yourself and avoiding people and situations that can be harmful. That is the first line of defense. There is risk that goes along with giving men access to yourself. That means there is risk involved with being alone with men.
The odds are in your favor. Most men are not murderers or rapists. But enough of them are violent sociopaths for a single woman to be concerned about her personal safety while dating. The local news across the US is filled with stories of women going on dates and being robbed, raped or murdered. You have one life and if someone hurts or kills you there is no second chance. Avoid gambling with your property, body or life. A date and chance at romance is not worth the risk.
Take Your Time
When you meet people on line take your time during the conversation stage. Be judgemental and critical. Look for signs of anger, rudeness or that he is taking direction from so called dating gurus on social media. Those people are almost always toxic.
Don’t trust men that are in a rush. Con artists want to move quickly. They want to find a victim, exploit her and drain her with speed and stealth. Time is on women’s side. Any time you think you’re ready to meet a man in person. Wait a week. Don’t be anxious. If he has genuine interest and respects women he will wait until you are comfortable.
He’s a Stranger
Even if you’ve been talking to a man for a while he is still a stranger. You don’t know him. He is not your friend. Your date is a stranger and should be treated as such. Keep him at arm’s length and don’t make yourself vulnerable right away.
Have Strict Rules for Meeting Places
When I was meeting online dates I chose chain restaurants. Most American chain restaurants have a similar layout. They have windows wrapped around and they are surrounded by a parking lot. The windows create potential witnesses. Park as close to the door as possible. When you pull up to the restaurant try and find a parking spot in front of a window where customers are already seated.
A first meeting with a man you met on the internet is not about being wined and dined. It’s not a matter of being impressed. It’s simply a meeting just like a job interview where both sides put in face time to see if there is further interest on both sides.
Meet During Daylight
Meet during daylight. Make sure you have enough time so that you can leave and it’s still light outside. This gives you a better chance at having a witness if a man does something psycho. It also makes the date more respectable if you can leave before the sunsets. Part company after the meal. Staying out too late makes you vulnerable. You may get more relaxed. There are more opportunities for you to be hurt. A table in a restaurant is a fairly safe space.
Don’t Drink
Don’t drink on a first on line date. I don’t care if you like to drink. You’re better off going out alone after the date and having a cocktail. Drinking will make you less inhibited and vulnerable.
Don’t Share a Car
You’ve gone out with the guy and he seems nice. Great. He’s still a stranger. He’s not your friend. He’s not your boyfriend. Wait a long time before you get in his car or let him get in yours. Use your own transportation. If you usually get around town on the bus. Stay on the bus or call a cab. Don’t make yourself vulnerable and put yourself in the semi private environment of a car.
Let Someone Know Where You Are
I understand wanting to keep your dating life private from family and friends. But let someone know who you are spending time with and where you are going. Let a co worker, out of state relative, neighbor or someone know what’s going on. Let them know why you are telling them this. It’s good to have a person that will check back with you and make sure you made it back home. If something goes wrong at least there is a liaison to communicate with the police.
Don’t Let Yourself Be Bullied
Anyone that can’t understand a woman being cautious about meeting men on line does not care about women. They are not your friend and they are either foolish or seeking to exploit you. You as a woman are the vulnerable party. Stand your ground and maintain proper boundaries. If you’re not ready to go out don’t. If something seems off block.
Don’t Go Home With Him
I don’t mean to be a prude or the fun police but take a long time before going to his house. Sex with a stranger isn’t worth the risk. There are many risks but I’m talking about the immediate risk of being robbed and or killed. You’re the vulnerable party and you are leaving a lot up to chance by putting yourself in an intimate situation with a stranger.
Have Your Own Money
I don’t believe in going Dutch but be prepared to pay your own way. Be able to pay for your own meal if things go awry. Be able to get yourself home.
Men are victimized by people they meet on dating apps too. I write from my point of view as a heterosexual woman. We are the vulnerable party and that should not be forgotten. Be smart, strategic and not too anxious. Take your time and listen to your instincts. I want to emphasize take your time. Time is on the woman’s side at this stage of the relationship.
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Over the Limit
Over the weekend I watched the documentary “Over the Limit” about gold medal winning Olympic rhythmic gymnast Margarita Mamun. This is a good sports movie and I recommend it. It is in Russian with no subtitles or voice overs. The film is an hour and fourteen minutes long and I didn’t understand a word except for a scene where Rita’s family sang “Happy Birthday”. The film was engaging and easy to understand despite the language barrier. I think not understanding what anyone is saying may have made the film more intense.
The thing I appreciate most about “Over the Limit” is that the subjects of the film had no discernible awareness of the camera. The audience observes Rita, her coaches and other people in her life as if we are flies on the wall. Watching Rita’s dedication to her sport takes the audience through a range of emotions. Throughout the film we admire Margarita and at times we felt bad for her. Her coaches are very stern and stoic. It’s hard to judge the coaches since I am not of the Russian culture or an athlete but at times they seem borderline abusive.
Margarita is surrounded by coaches, team mates, fans, a seemingly loving family and a dreamboat boyfriend who is an Olympic swimmer yet her journey was lonely. The visuals or the film are stark. It takes place in Moscow. Rita spends all of her time in the film in small apartments and gyms.
She competes in a solitary sport and she spends much of her time outside of the gym alone in her quiet apartment preparing her props for practice and competition. At times Rita seemed distant from her coaches while having conversations with them and looking into their eyes. The most warmth in the film comes from her relationship with her boyfriend who is now her husband.
If you get the opportunity check out “Over the Limit”. It’s a good sports movie. It’s fairly quick, interesting and enjoyable even if you are not a Russian speaker.
Thoughts, Observations, Impressions
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