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Summer Book Review: Finding Me
I recently listened to “Finding Me” by Hollywood actress Viola Davis on audiobook. I enjoyed the book and I recommend it. The book is Viola Davis’ biography and I think a number of people would find it interesting. The book touches on a lot of topics.
Viola has an interesting life. She grew up in poverty with her siblings and became a movie star with an adopted daughter and loving husband. The journey includes an abusive father, instability, bullying from class mates, sexual assault, racism, health problems and unhealthy adult relationships with men. Viola also discussed her work as an actress and experiences on Broadway and Hollywood.
If you are interested in history, sociology, the effects of poverty, colorism, racism or show business you will find “Finding Me” interesting. There is a lot to say about this book but I don’t want to discuss it here for those that are interested in the book. Mrs. Davis’ story is engaging and I think she deserves a Grammy for her voice over work.
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Black women spent a week defending women dressing like a street walker with vigor and passion. Black women were ready to march across the Edmund Pettus Bridge in order to defend wearing as few clothes as possible with no criticism from anyone. Black women were more concerned about dressing in lingerie in public than missing Black children or the Supreme Court ruling that states that what’s left of Affirmative Action is unconstitutional.
I’m a Black woman and I don’t understand why dressing like a whore is so important to so many Black women. We don’t live in Saudi Arabia or Iran. For the most part a woman can wear what she chooses with no real consequences. Black women on Twitter don’t even want criticism for exposing private areas of their bodies.
It started with a topless IG photo of Tracy Ellis Ross. Tracy received criticism for that photograph that I honestly didn’t think was fair. The criticism said that she was too old to post such a photo. I don’t know what age has to do with it. Fifty six year old Salma Hayek didn’t receive the same criticism after posting a thirst trap in her bikini a few days later.
However I don’t think there was a reason to rally the troops and defend Tracy. Tracy Ross doesn’t really care what the masses think of her. She just needs the page views and clicks. Tracy intentionally posted a sexually suggestive photo that was intended to get attention. She wanted attention and traffic to her IG page and she got it. There was no reason for Black women to defend her honor when honor is not what she was seeking.
Twitter erupted with chatter about Keke Palmer and her boyfriend. Keke’s boyfriend made a disapproving tweet about his girlfriend’s attire that she she wore to an Usher concert in Las Vegas. Her entire backside was exposed in her see through dress.
I think any man would be uncomfortable with his significant other being serenaded by an R&B star with her behind exposed. He was dragged and emasculated on Black Twitter for days. Social media said he was insecure, jealous and trying to dim Keke’s shine all because he didn’t approve of the dress she wore on her mom’s night out. Keke Palmer and her baby daddy even ended up on CNN.
The next incident involved India Arie’s criticism of Essence Fest. India felt some of the acts were too sexually suggestive and Black women in the music industry were presenting too much of a prurient image. She specifically mentioned Janelle Monet and Meg the Stallion. Janelle exposes her breasts on stage and Meg simulates sex and dances like a stripper.
I agree with India’s point of view. I’ve noticed for years that Black women celebrities are presented as cheap and slutty. Black women insulted India Arie on social media for days.
I don’t understand why dresses in a sexually suggestive manner is so important to Black women. The clothing that is debated is intended to raise eyebrows so I don’t understand the discomfort with those clutching their pearls. Isn’t that the point?
Black women in mainstream media are portrayed as highly sexual, or a sexual and frumpy. Those are usually the options. It’s unfortunate the so many Black women aren’t in favor of a refined, feminine image. I feel like a lot of Black women have fallen for a racist mind trick of a media that has always protected the image of Whiteness. I though Black women were smarter than this.
I’m not saying sexualized acts should be banned but it’s odd to me that there isn’t one clean cut young, Black pop star. There is no Black equivalent to Taylor Swift or a modern day match to Whitney Houston. The media feels the need to tie pushing boundaries that border vulgarity with Black female sexuality and Black women loudly support this on social media. Smarten up girls.
The voices of Black women that are more reserved, modest and traditional are silenced, vilified and not tolerated within the Black community. Black Twitter is doing the job of racists and White supremacists in the name of feminism that does nothing but encourage a trashy image. Black women need to stop doing everyone’s dirty work.
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Watch “Characteristics of Christian Women” on YouTube
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Question of the Day 7.7.23
I’m a reality TV historian specializing in MTV, VH1, Bravo and other cable productions.
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SCAM ALERT – Don’t Barter! Stop Negotiating You’re Worth
Dating and relationships are a common topic on social media. That’s particularly true in Black social media spaces. These discussions have no real merit. Their intent is not to come to an understanding and create harmony. The intent is to gaslight, degrade and manipulate women, particularly Black women. The intent of these conversations is to get women to barter with abusive men and negotiate their worth to a lower value.
Social media discussions about relationships often tell women, particularly Black women, they need to choose better and if they aren’t treated well in a relationship they should leave. That’s straight forward and fair but the advice isn’t meant to be helpful. It’s a way for disrespectful, predatory and abusive men to avoid responsibility for their actions. It’s a way to shift the responsibility from the ill-intentioned person to the victim. It also makes poor behavior more difficult to define and recognize. It’s highly manipulative.
For context this is the tweet that inspired this blog post.
It goes without saying that a woman should end a courtship if it’s not respectful and validating. If there are more questions than answers and the relationship becomes frustrating, stressful and painful she shouldn’t spend more time and energy on the affair. If the relationship is less than loving, respectful with clear intentions and boundaries it’s not worthwhile.
But why are there questions and frustration in the first place? Why is the man “nonchalant”? How did the pair find themselves in a relationship in the first place? The man likely approached the woman and presented himself as a potential romantic partner. He kept up the act long enough for the woman to invest in him emotionally, physically or financially before she cut communications.
The man is still a problematic. He should not have set out to use and toy with the woman. Regardless of her actions he will repeat the cycle with someone else because that’s how scammers operate. Con artists don’t have any real interest in their victim. They are self centered and goal oriented. Once they extract what they want they don’t care if the other party leaves. It’s likely what they want because their target is a mere bother now.
There is nothing for a woman to feel bad about as far as her actions. She accepted an invitation from a potential suitor that she found charming. She was interested in dating and the possibilities that that held. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s only human. Her basic human desires were exploited by someone wanting to take advantage of her.
The account that created the tweet that set me off is now suspended. The woman under the tweet that was bickering with me may have been a phony troll account but it’s hard to say. Unfortunately, it’s highly likely that a woman would say think a woman should share the responsibility of a man’s bad behavior and poor personal choices. It’s not an uncommon point of view. I think this thought process is common among Black Americans. Women are often made scapegoats in order to spare men’s egos and images.
Men should not approach women with thoughtless and harmful intentions. Those are his choices. His female companion’s reaction to him doesn’t change his integrity. Adults are accountable for their actions. Boys will be boys is no excuse past around ten. If a man can’t be held responsible for himself he shouldn’t be dating.
His negative actions, emotional problems and biases are not your fault! His predatory and deceptive spirit ways are not your fault. Don’t take on the responsibility for his actions. That will help you understand your worth. That will help you leave a damaging relationship sooner. His actions and flakiness are not your fault! You’re not responsible if you’re a victim of someone’s lies. That’s NOT your fault!
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Watch “🙏🏿” on YouTube
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Question of the Day 6.27.23
Spirituality is very important and it shouldn’t be neglected. Your spirit and soul need as much attention if not more as material aspects of your life. For context for me spirituality mean Bible study, prayer and a relationship with Jesus Christ.
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Question of the Day 6.23.23
Who is your favorite historical figure?
Harriet Tubman
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Watch “Honor Thy Mother and Father, Exodus 20:12” on YouTube
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My New Skates
I bought new roller skates last week. They arrived at my home while I was at work. I put them on right away and went outside to try them out. It was a humbling experience. I hadn’t been on skates in more than thirty years. I set out to skate around my sub division by taking a step outside my garage with my skates on. My street is quiet and most of my neighbors don ‘t travel in the evenings so I had the street to myself. That’s great for safety’s sake and it spared me some embarrassment.
My driveway has a decline that I don’t think about unless there is ice or snow on the ground. I flew down my driveway and fell at the end. My new skates were scraped and marked by asphalt after having them on for about ten minutes and I hurt myself and my pride.
After struggling to get to my feet at the end of my driveway I set off to continue skating. I never realized that I live on top of a gently sloping hill until I tried to skate down the street. I flew down the street and into a perpendicular intersection on my skates. I was unable to stop until I aimed myself into my neighbor’s lawn at the bottom of the hill. Their lawn was my first opportunity to stop after speeding into the T intersection.
I laid on my neighbor’s lawn for a minute or two, collected myself and continued to skate down the road which as another hill. I got to the end of the cul de sac and barreled into another lawn. I picked myself up again and wobbly made my way up the hill and back to my house.
The entire experience lasted no longer than thirty minutes. I was shook and sore. I recalled my youthful days of skating at the roller rink. I don’t remember learning to skate or having an major falls. I felt very old.
I watched a few You Tube videos about skating and learning how to stop, particularly downhill out doors. There is a lot of good information out there. I was encouraged by the commenters. I guess it’s common to get to middle age and decide to skate after not skating since your teens. There were many that had similar experiences to mine.
I went to Walmart and got some safety gear. I bought a helmet for around $20 and a set of knee and elbow pads and wrist guards for about $15. The safety equipment is worth the money. Even if it was more expensive it’s cheaper than hospital bills and time off work. It helps me to be more confident because the fear of injury is reduced.
I’ve been on my skates a few times this week and I’ve already improved but I’m still wobbly and I need to work on stopping myself. I’ll give myself a pat on the back because yesterday I got down the driveway and maintained some control over myself. It was slow and clumsey but I’ll work on it. Out door skating is a great work out even if I’m not very graceful.
Thoughts, Observations, Impressions
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Shannon's Life in the Midwest 